Why you shouldn’t be “pre-wed” in your 20’s


There are few things that can send a sane girl into a panic faster than logging into Facebook and seeing yet another “hand” picture. You know the ones I’m talking about: the photo accompanied by a caption like “I SAID YES!” or for some of us stuck in 2008 “HE PUT A RING ON IT!!”. It seems like every day there’s at least two or three friends or friends of a friend that are engaged. These new advancements in relationships can send a single girl into an emotional upheaval. I cannot count the amount of times I’ve had to calm a friend down after one of our mutual friends became a future bride.

What many single twenty-something women do not realize is that they may truly be the lucky ones. Our early twenties are a phenomenal time where we’re young to enough to make mistakes but old enough to learn and move on from them. We’re growing, maturing, and becoming the people we wished we were at sixteen. Being single in your twenties gives you the opportunity to focus on growing into the woman you were destined to be. Therefore, it’s really hard for me to understand why so many women fawn over becoming someone’s trophy wife at such a tender age.

Now, don’t get me wrong I definitely want to settle down and spend the rest of my life with my perfect match. I want a dress so big they’ll have to build new doors on the church just to fit me in and a reception that would put Kimye to shame.

However, the difference between my aisle-bound friends and I is that I am willing to wait. I am perfectly content with the fact that my wedding plans may not go from Pinterest to reality for five maybe even ten years. I WANT to get married but I NEED to find myself first. I NEED to accomplish my goals and become a secure, mature woman. I NEED to become the type of person a man would be proud to call his wife and a child would be happy to call mom. Unfortunately, I am not that person right now and I have a lot to figure out before I can even begin to become that person.

Now I know some of you girls sporting rings are saying “I’m not settling; I just found my soulmate early” and maybe you’re right but who knows for sure. I’m not rushing to find out and neither should any of my fellow single ladies. Stop looking at engagements as a status symbol and start living life on your own terms. Most importantly stop trying to follow a timeline that worked for older generations. It’s great that your mother and grandmother were married with three kids by 22 but that doesn’t have to be your life’s plan. Our generation was raised with a completely different set of priorities and getting married isn’t at the top of our to-do list anymore. Start focusing on your own happiness and stop obsessing over why, how, if, or when your time will come. It will come at the perfect time and not a moment sooner. Remove pre-wed as your major and just tack it on as a really cool minor.

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